Aye Captain

There I sat behind the desk with sweat beading on my forehead and lawn sprinklers in my armpits soaking through my shirt. Carefully I read each question as I filled in the little bubbles careful not to let the sweat dripping from my brow stain the score sheet. If that wasn’t bad enough I could feel my shirt sticking to my back as it soaked through. All this to drive a boat?  

Some time ago in the recent past I decided that getting my Captain’s license might be a good idea especially since I had intended on starting to guide anglers and hunters. How hard could it be? Little did I know just what kind of hoops I was expected to jump through to get it?

I started on my path not much different than most “would be captains”. There I was at the Atlantic City Boat Show standing in front of a booth that was owned by one of those “Captains Course” places. I plunked down my $450.00 and figured that wasn’t so bad to get my license and walked out with a bunch of pamphlets and other items I was given. “I’m on my way”, I thought to myself as I drove home that afternoon.

After a day or so, I started going over the items I was going to have to get along the way. The list wasn’t exactly a short one, so I decided to just do one at a time until I had them all. The first one was called a “TWIC” card. To get this card I had to go to the Port Authority in Philadelphia, pay a fee, and then wait while my background was searched. After a couple of weeks I was notified that my card was in, so back to the Port Authority I went and after an un flattering photo I was now at step 2 in the process.

Next on the list was a first aid certification. “Easy” I thought to myself, since I already had it. Then I saw where it said that the certification had to be within one year. I guess my card from 1991 just wasn’t going to cut it. Another fee and another class and I was another step closer. That weekend “Sea School” was about to begin start, so I decided to give it all of my attention.

For those who have gone through the boating safety certification, this is a whole different animal. The classes would be held on 6 days over a pair of “long weekends”. It’s been a while since I had attended any type of school, so I was a little apprehensive. The first day started at 8 AM and lasted until 6PM and to say I had a headache by the end was an understatement. The rest of the first weekend is still a blur with the only thing I remember being calls from Bob each night to see how everything was going.

The second weekend was much the same, except we had a knot certification as part of the course. “No problem” I thought to myself. After all I could tie a bunch of fishing knots and even a few useful boating ones. It turns out I have the uncanny ability to tie a left handed knot right handed. In fact my “teacher” had me stand in front of the class to show them a left handed “bowline” tied right handed. With a little luck, I was able to navigate through the knot portion and I was yet another step close. Soon I would find out how small the steps were I was taking. “The test” was looming in the distance.

As best as I can tell, the actual “Captain Test” was concocted by some evil genius that wanted to know what the breaking point of Steve Horvath was. We were soon to find out just what that was. “The Test” is actually broken into 4 segments. They go something like this: Deck General, Navigation General, Course Plotting, and “Rules of the Road”. The good news is that each test is individual, so that once you pass a segment, you’re good to go. The bad news is that while the first three tests have a lower passing score, “Rules of the Road” requires a 90% grade to pass. The other bad news is that with the exception of Gym class, 90’s were pretty hard to come by.

On test day, I decided to take anything but “Rules of the Road” until I had gone through the other sections. With a little luck, my scores were passing in the first three sections. So, there I sat with trembling hands knowing that my future rested in the 30 questions that sat in front of me. Truthfully I failed that section with an 80%. Here I was with one of the highest test grades I would achieve in my lifetime and I failed. Luckily I had 2 more chances to pass. A pair of 88%’s later and I had used up my three tries. Now I had to take “Rules of the Road” over again.

So there I sat after re taking the class, knowing that the future of mankind, or at least this man’s future rested in the hands of the little bubbles on the sheet. I felt a little light headed as I handed in the test sheet and watched as it was scored. One wrong, then a second and then the scorer looked up and said, “Congratulations Captain”. To say I was excited was an understatement, especially for a guy that went through the process thinking it was going to be easy.

Then there was documenting 360 days of sea time, as well as a drug test, physical, and a mountain of paperwork. About $1,200.00 out the window and I had my Captain’s License.

A big thanks go out to my wife and kids that quizzed me for hours on end, Mike and Bob for the encouragements, and my old friend George for calling me constantly asking, “Are you a Captain yet”?